Soccer Moms are women who spend enormous amounts of time transporting their school aged children to various events: sporting, academic, musical, spiritual, and social. And they love it…usually.

To clear things up a bit, I’ve added a checklist below. See if you identify with some of these “Soccer Mom” experiences.

You know you’re a Soccer Mom when:

• You are over your cellular minutes.
• Your daily nutritious intake consists of McDonald’s hamburgers and Grande Frappachinos.
• There are more than three messages written in your vehicle dust.
• You are carting around children in your van whom you have no idea of their last names.
• There is more sports equipment in your van than in your garage.
• There is a mystery smell in the back of your van and you are concerned that it involves a milk product.
• You only go home to sleep.
• You’ve conducted business transactions on the cellular phone while someone in the background is yelling that they have to go potty.
• Your speed dial is programmed with the phone numbers of other soccer moms who can pick up your child. at a moment’s notice.
• At least one child has hurled in your vehicle.
• You are excited by a red traffic light because it gives you a chance to apply lipstick and scold your children.
• You’ve fed children you just met a few hours ago.
• You program alone time with your husband on your Palm Pilot.
• You’ve learned all of the hand clapping songs and possess an extensive video game vocabulary.
• You are the cool mom.
• Your child has volunteered you to be the team mom without your permission.
• You own a baseball cap for those bad hair days.
• The contents of your van could feed a family of six for a week.
• You wouldn’t trade being a Soccer Mom for anything else in the world.

If you’ve checked off at least half of these, congratulations you are an Official Soccer Mom!

Soccer Mom-isms

These are mom sayings that were often spoken by our own mothers. At the time we promised we’d never say such things.

• “Busted!!”
• “Don’t make me stop this van!”
• “Of course I know where I’m going.”
• “Because I said so.”
• “I don’t care what your father told you.  I’m in charge right now.”
• “You left what, where?”
• “Okay, who opened up the nail polish?”
• “Where are your shoes?”
• “Are you trying to drive me crazy?  You are driving me crazy!  Is that what you want, to see your mother locked away? Don’t answer that!”

Got more?  Send in YOUR Soccer Mom-isms!*  Click here: lynne@soccermombook.com.